I know I've not updated for quite some time but I've decided to dedicate this post entirely to cosmetics. Me? Talking about cosmetics? I doubt I've ever mentioned ANYTHING about my love for makeup but you'll find out in a while. Be prepared for a loooong entry 'cuz by now, you all should now how a girl is like when she's raving about makeup right?

Just 2 days ago, I lost my makeup bag. Yes, my PRECIOUS makeup bag. See.. I won't mind losing the nitty gritty stuff that I normally bring around to touch-up but on that fateful Friday, I decided to bring my foundation, all my lipsticks/ glosses PLUS my Body Shop makeup brushes! Truthfully, I must say I almost went crazy when I realised that I've lost everything that I need to hide the 101 imperfections on my face. A male friend commented it's JUST makeup and I can easily replace it.. JUST makeup, you say? It cost more to replace a makeup collection than to replace your identification card, dude!

Alright. Enough of my story. Truthfully, I never realised that losing a cosmetic bag can be a life-changing experience. If not for losing my bag, I would never have realised that I've been wearing the wrong products (and colour!) for my complexion and be daring enough to try out other products from other cosmetics line. I must admit, I've been watching too much Youtube videos and been brainwashed to think that Revlon has a line that is good enough a dupe that is comparable to MAC. Since it's more convenient for me to purchase a Revlon product and a little easier on the pocket, I've been using their products for the longest time. So, for that amount of time, I've been using the wrong products for my face. Not one who's keen to be sued for defamation, I'll just say that the foundation that I was using was not only the wrong colour, it dries up my already badly dehydrated face and enlarged my pores even more. The thick formula also caused to me to tug on my skin, increasing the possibility of premature aging.

A trip to Metro Causeway Point yesterday has been the most life-changing experience for me and my skin. Thanks to Kak Yanti, a very patient lady who came to my rescue, I learnt so much about my skin type and she even gave me tips on care for my unique skin type and tone. All in all, she cleared up all my misconceptions regarding my skin care regime and made me feel so comfortable throughout the whole shopping session.

I've already been playing around with all the goodies that I've purchased so I just thought it would be nice to give you a haul and reviews on them. These are just drugstore brands so it'll be easier for you to try them out at your nearest Metro, John Little or even Watsons. (Sorry, no NARS, Smashbox or any MAC in my list! Hehe.. I need a quick replacement under one roof!) I'm sorry if I rave about the stuff for too long but I'm just so excited to share it with all of you!

1. L'Oreal Plenitude Hyrafresh 50mls ($20.90)

Lemme tell you this.. this is a godsend for me. I must admit, all these while, I never thought that I needed any moisturiser on my face. I've always thought that I have an oily face and putting in more moisture would make me look even.. wetter? I think after using my previous foundation, it had really dried out my skin and it shows very prominently once I've washed my face. Once I've applied this on my face, the changes were very obvious. I should have started this sooner but I'm thankful I didn't wait too long before any permanent damage have been done. =)

2. Maybelline Angelfit PoreZeroBase 30mls ($19.90)

The most amazing base I've ever tried! My horrible pores are almost non-existent! The best part about the product is that, it's actually a hydrating product that not only makes your foundation application smoother, it doesn't clog up your pores so there's a lower possibility of a breakout. Not that I ever break out but the Revlon Primer that I did actually made my pores look visible and bigger! By the way, just a little dot goes a long way!

3. Maybelline Angelfit Flawless Natural Liquid Foundation in W02 25mls ($25.90)

To set the record straight, I've only used 2 different brands prior to this, ZA Foundation and Revlon Colorstay (oops!). The former, I have no problems with it other than it looking too cakey upon application while the latter, everything has been mentioned. For those looking for the dewy natural look that is fit for work, school or just a day out in the sun, you must try this product! It comes in a pump and trust me, just one pump is enough for the whole face. It gives a light to medium coverage and gives u a soft, natural finish. It is also lightweight and you won't get that I-have-foundation feeling like the other 2 brands that I've tried before.

4. Maybelline Angelfit Ultra Natural Affinity Foundation in Natural Ochre OC2 ($26.90)

It can be used on its own or as a powder on top of the foundation. Okay.. First thing first, when I first laid eyes on this, I was surprised to see that there's actually shimmers in it! Alright, I don't know about you but I've never seen that kind of thing before and I must say, I was a bit sceptical. Every doubt I have just disappeared when I have on my face. You won't see actual shimmer but there's somewhat a glow to the skin and trust me, when in the sun, it looks amazing! Just lovely for me. =)

5. L'OREAL Double Extension Beauty Tubes Mascara ($25.90)

Anybody who has ever seen me without a mascara knows that I have the shortest eyelashes you can ever find. Before I even knew nuts about makeup, mascara has got to be the first few items I bought back when I was still in secondary school. Of late, I've been using all the different mascaras from Maybelline so I thought of changing brands for the mascara. This mascara is actually duo ended. One the first end, it's the Ultra-Allongeant primer and on the other, the Nourishing Ultra-Lengthening Mascara. My views on this product? Simply marvelous. Well, at least it's better than the Maybelline Cat Eyes Mascara that I've been using lately. Not only does it elongates my super short eyelashes, it removes so easily with warm water. Best part, it doesn't clump!

6. Maybelline Eyestudio Creamy Gel Liner ($23.90)

The only one from Maybelline with a small jar and a little brush. Familiar? Yeah.. Anyways, I've been thinking about getting this for a while since I've always been using the pencil ones from Revlon and Maybelline to line my water line and use another liquid liner for my upper lids. What a relief for me to know that I can just use one product to give me a nice smudge-proof liquid line on my lids AND my waterline! When I say smudge-proof, it really is smudge-proof, trust me. If you've ever gone out with me, you'll know I tend to touch my eyes. I have it on now for like.. 8 hours already and it is still in place and neat. Personally, I don't think there's even a need to retouch. For all eyeliner addicts out there, this is definitely a must-have. I don't think I will ever revert to any other previous liners that I've used before.

So, that was my purchase yesterday. 6 life-changing products for me. I did get a couple of samples and free gifts from her like the Maybelline Blush Studio Mousse in Pink Marshmallow 01 and L'Oreal Touche Magique Anti Fatigue and Illuminating Concealer. I'm not really a fan of mousse products and the shade is just too light for me so I might just use it for touch ups at work. I'm just glad I got the concealer for free 'cuz I've been aiming to get that for a while too and it just helps to hide my horrendous dark rings. Lovely stuff.

I know I've been raving a lot already but I just thought I wanted to add in that I did have Round 2 of Makeup Shopping today and got a couple of stuff to build up my collection. So here's today's haul.

7. Revlon Super Lustrous Lipstick in Blushing Mauve 460 ($16.90)

I just love this lipstick. Just an amazing shade for my skin tone. A colour that makes me feel happy happy happy!

8. Silkygirl Moisture Gloss in Sweet Pink 05 ($6.90)

I know I've been spending too much so I opted for a cheaper alternative with a complimenting shade to my lipstick. I've yet to try it out so maybe I'll review this in the future.

9. Nivea Lip Care in Pink Grapefruit ($4.10)

For chappy lipped ladies like me, this is a must-have. Why just ladies? It's very glossy so I doubt any guys out there would want to walk around with shiny lips, right?

10. Neutrogena Deep Hydrating Mask ($2.95)

Upon the advice of Kak Yanti, I decided to get this mask to hydrate my poor face. I've yet to try it yet so maybe once I've done that, I'll update you soon.

All in all, I'm happy with my purchase, even if it just burned a hole in my pocket. That Metro trip cost me $131. 45 (thank God for my Metro Card) and for today, $48.80 inclusive of a makeup bag. $180.25 just flew out of my pocket but I'm still smiling. =) Maybe it's 'cuz I know I'm investing in good products that will keep me smiling for months to come.

Sorry for the ultra long post. In no way am I getting paid (I wish I was) for promoting their products and all the comments I've put in are simply my opinions. You can always go and try out their products while you're passing by Metro or Watsons and see if you like them. I'm simply reviewing the stuff that I've purchased and expressing my views.

Do leave a comment below on any of the above products or maybe your experience with other products. Recommendations are always welcome. =)

Have a good day all!

Hey.

I know it was pretty distasteful of me to just completely abandon this blog without saying a word. Nothing in my last entry here suggested that I was going on a hiatus or stop blogging or anything of that sort. I know I left some people wondering if I was even still alive.

Well.. After much thought, I frankly don't think I need to explain myself to anyone. The real world calls for my attention so I placed my focus there when needed. Long gone are the days when I count the minutes till I go online just so I can blog to the entire virtual world about my day, lame stories and all. I've had enough scars to show from all the blog wars I was silly enough to be entangled with while growing up. Simply said, I know better now not to write anything while still in the heat of anger 'cuz any nasty words exchanged can never be taken back. It'll always linger around in the minds of those affected and also those who reads it.. At the end of the day, nobody really benefit from it.

The past two months is without a doubt one of the most testing period of my life. Truthfully, I felt like the very pillars of my soul was almost crumbling and I felt so ready to give up on everything that I've ever worked hard for. I then found myself angry with the world. Haven't I been counting my blessings and grateful for everything that has been given all these while? Why then must things crumble to my feet right in front of my eyes? Tears that I thought had ceased to exist came rolling down at any given moment I reminisce about my situation. I felt like I was the undead, walking the streets with a heart heavy with sorrow. I might as well be dead, I thought.

At the end of this entire process that I went through, I came out of it with so many valuable life lessons learnt. With the help of close buddies, unexpected friends and acquaintances, I was able to bring myself up and carry on with my life. Patience, forgiveness, acceptance.. Everyone knows its meaning but not all would have such traits.

I don't blame you if you're still lost as to what I'm getting at. I apologise for not being able to share much because it's already painful enough for me to bring out these words now to you. I'm practically dragging the words that you see here from my heart for you to see.

Maybe when the wounds have healed and I'm more upbeat, I will be more inclined to open up to the world as before. At the moment, do let me tend to my wounded heart and gather enough strength to build up on a love that matters most to me.

 

Love,

Eli Ramoena

Back to work! Woohoo! Bet I sound crazy and weird saying that! Truth be told, I was getting sick and tired of being on leave and wasting money on nonsensical things just to kill my boredom. It'll be another matter if I get to spend my annual leave overseas. Fat hope on that though. My parents will be more likely to kill me than to allow me to roam the world on my own. Wait.. Let's not even talk abt the world. They'll get overly anxious if I even mention I wanna cross over the causeway border and have lunch at City Square. This is making me soooo looking forward to my honeymoon with my baby. Errmm.. Not that we've decided where we are going as yet. I just can't wait to go on a trip outside the country without my parents for once. =)

Things haven't really been going as smoothly as desired for us lovebirds these days. I noticed that we will argue more when I am on leave and have so much free time in my hand and demands a lil' bit more of his time. It's not really anybody's fault alone anyways and after our meetup yesterday, all the dust has finally settled and we're back to being lovey-dovey once more. =) Well, we will NEED to be very much in love 'cuz the date for the big day will be decided this weekend! Omg! I'm feeling almost as nervous as the day I got engaged to my wonderful man! Sad to say, we got our hands tied regarding the finalised date as all our initial desired dates clashed with so many of our other commitments that try as we might, we simply can't hold the wedding next year. =( Truthfully, it went up to a point where I didn't care regarding memorable dates anymore and just wanted to get hitched next yr but we were unable to work it out. Nonetheless, I'm really glad that it will finally be decided this weekend and I can start to officially book for services! Yippees!

This weekend will be even more exciting for us as earlier on that day, we'll be witnessing one of my bestest friend's engagement! I have seen her engagement dress and I bet she will look as gorgeous on her big day itself! Congratulations babe! You KNOW I love you right~ =)

Big days aside, I somehow can't wait for this year's Raya. Funny though.. I wasn't even excited about spending my first Raya with Mahathir last year yet I simply am looking forward to this year's raya.. Unexplainable, really.. This is so lasssttt minute but I still am looking for a tailor or seamstress who can sew my baju raya. *blush* I'll be lucky if anybody is still taking orders now. For Raya this year, I was thinking of having another try of baking cookies and kuih raya.. Need to brush up my skills in the kitchen.. *giggles*

What else haven't I covered? Lemme think.. Ouh yeah.. Us lovebirds will be going around Ikea tomorrow sourcing for ideas and probably get an item or two for our upcoming house. =) Now, THAT is something I really can't wait!

I guess that pretty much covered everything. =) I'm flying over the clouds now. Toodles!

Today will mark Day 7 being smoke-free for me! HUGE PAT ON THE BACK FOR ME! I bet ya'll didn't think I can do it right? Nonetheless, thank you so much for all the encouragement that has been flowing in literally. No worries, I will do my very best to keep up this good progress and make sure I don't go back the wrong path ever again!

This week of leave has been kind of a waste for me. I've been practically rotting at home most of the time. What do I do when I'm home? I go online. What do I end up goggling on?

Wedding sites! Over and over again. With every picture of couples tying the knot, I get more nervous and anxious about my own day. Like every other girl who's planning for her wedding, I can get pretty fickle and my desires keep changing whenever I see a new style! There is simply so many different themes to choose from these days and it gets more nerve-wrecking for me knowing that the final date will be decided in slightly more than a week's time! Of course, I won't be allowed to disclose the date so soon since I have a stroooong feeling that it won't be in 2010 as planned. The delay is majorly due to the fact that I requested for an extension of the engagement to prepare myself for the marriage.

Like I've mentioned before, it is not the wedding that I'm looking forward to, it's the matrimonial union between me and my beloved fiance, Mahathir. The wedding is merely a day of celebration for me so that's why I am constantly on a lookout for reliable, cost-friendly providers who can capture my sentiments appropriately.

So far, I have already had a few providers in mind but being the shy person that I am (yes, I AM shy!), I still haven't got the guts to make a formal enquiry as yet. How I wish I have someone to be accompanying me through this scary path. Don't get me wrong.. I do have friends and potential maid-of-honour & bridemaids in mind but the enquiry and booking and all that will have to be done by yours truly. THAT is scary to me.

At the end of the day, all I'm praying for is a smooth journey throughout the entire process, InsyaAllah. What colour the dias is comes after.

Sorry about missing out on a post yesterday! I was too damn shagged from my trip to my aunt's place in Hougang with my mum for our well-deserved massage! Well, I had initially planned for a trip to Honeylilies Spa to get a full hour of massage with all the jacuzzi milk bath and hair spa but since they are currently renewing their license at this current moment, we had to look for another alternative. Thankfully, my aunt was available yesterday and was able to give me a goooood fix and releasing all those tight knots on my calves and my back. My goodness, I felt like a small little rag doll under her expert fingers but boy, was it worth it~! I can't wait for another session of that.

How's my progress on quitting smoking? Truth be told, I simply can't believe I'm doing this again! I no longer yearn for a cigarette after all those trigger point and I'm able to refuse cigarettes even when offered persistently by close friends. I particularly love the look I get from people's faces when I told them that I'm already a week into quitting smoking.. PRICELESS! Everyone's hoping to strike lottery.. Sorry guys, I ain't got no number for ya'll!

Not too sure what my plan will be for tomorrow.. I'm getting damn bored doing nothing at home. I was so bored today that I caught the Transformers 2 again with Mahathir and his friends. Yeah.. Super damn bored.

I'm actually contemplating NOT updating anything today. As a matter of fact, I was thinking of forgetting about quitting smoking and just carry on my life like before.

I'm just thankful I didn't give in to my temptations.

The day didn't start out too well since the movie theatre that I wanted to bring my family to watch 'Transformers 2' with was fully booked and we have to watch it at Causeway Point AGAIN. Watching movies there and eating at Banquet.. That's my dad's idea of a perfect outing. I, for once, wanted something different.

After having brunch at Banquet, my family, along with my fiance, my bro's girlfriend but without my youngest brother, headed to Singapore Museum Board. I'm surprised with the amazing discounts they gave and although it wasn't what I was intending to look at (I wanted to see mummies!!), I'm just glad my siblings were thrilled to be there.

I shall leave out all the unpleasant aspect of the day and go straight to the movie.. It was fantastic! 2.5hrs of hardcore action! I assure u, it's worth every penny u pay,,

Temptations of the day? Suprisingly minimal. I can do this. *winkz*

I wish I could tell everyone that today went smoothly and I have no urges.

HAH! Fat hope la Eli.

I have countless temptations today like when I'm having breakfast drinking coffee, having lunch, going out to run errands and even while watching a tv show. As mentioned on my Facebook page, I smoke around 20-30 sticks/day so I have close to that many urges today.

Btw, I had forgotten to mention a personal vow that I made to myself. I will allow myself one puff (yes just one puff) every 2 days for the first week, one every 3 days for the 2nd week and only once a week subsequently to wean myself up till my quit date which is 31st July. Hell, I know it sounds ridiculously stupid, weak and a whole bunch of crap but that was how I successfully quit 4-5 yrs ago. Only difference is that I smoked an entire stick back then. It's tried and tested by me and proven effective as it will significantly reduces my withdrawal symptoms and regulates my mood.

Anyways, I had my first puff just now at 9.30pm. I'm proud to say that I didn't even want it and I threw the stick away after that puff. I'm not ashamed to admit 'cuz I know that I can and will quit completely in the end.

That sums it up for my 2nd day.

24 hours ago, I puffed on my very last puff of cigarette.

At this current moment, I'm pretty much glad that I managed to gather all my strength and willpower to resist every temptation to light a cigarette. It is not as hard as one would imagine but it ain't like a stroll in a rose garden either. Imagine trying NOT TO DO something that you had always done all the time for almost half of your life. It's almost as if you are not sure if you're still you anymore. That's how I felt.

Mood was generally mild and a lil' sarcastic here and there. No outburts of emotions but I did snap at my sisters for being noisy.

I have plans to go out tomorrow. I really hope tomorrow will be better.

As the title suggests, this entry will be long, I assure you. No doubt I still have to work tomorrow morning, I do believe that it's due time that I at least write a lil' something in here to update those of you who are loyally reading. =)

As anticipated, my anniversary was celebrated pretty simply. You may call us a boring couple but we seem to include our family in almost every celebration. On the eve of the anniversary last Sunday, I brought along both of my younger sisters to Causeway Point to meet him and his younger sister. After having our dinner at CWP McD and window-shopping around the mall, we all ended up hanging out at my place. Spending quality time playing cards and video games, I definitely felt a closer bond not only as us being a couple but a family combined. It definitely brought more meaning to me to be spending it with my family members around rather than wasting money on a mere candlelight dinner. Don't get me wrong on this one. I do LOVE romantic dinners but having the family around once in a while can be quite refreshing and pump in a lil' more fun. The anniversary day itself was celebrated even simpler with just a simple ride home from work. Splendid. =) I love this man.

Btw, for all nurses out there, BONUS IS IN! WOOHOO! No doubt my bonus isn't as amazing as some of ya'll, I'm thankful for what I have. There are some people out there with NO bonus or bonus ON HOLD so I'm just glad that SGH is still able to give bonuses to its staff. As for me, ALL of that money goes into my big piggy bank for the upcoming wedding. On this issue itself, I must say that the date has yet to be set so I still have to hold on to making reservations anywhere. It is frustrating not being able to make arrangements and seeing others taking up the slots that you want. There's a very high likelihood it might be delayed by just a couple of months since the initial slot that I REALLY want happens to be in a peak period and has already closed booking. Urgh~!

It took me close to 20 minutes to get to this next topic that I'm going to mention and now that I'm about to write it, I'm having second thoughts. Well.. Here goes.

I've decided to quit smoking. I KNOW you've heard it a million times, half of which would have probably been from me. Nonetheless, I'm not ashamed to say that I'm going to this for the last time. No more ciggies for me from 26th June 2009 onwards.

One of the many reasons why I do want to quit smoking is 'cuz I feel like I've been smoking for a very long time already. As a matter of fact, I started at the age of 11 and no doubt it was barely a stick a day back then, it has gradually increased to a pack a day over the decade. Come to think of it, I believe my lungs must have been badly damaged by now from all the cigarette smoke that I've been puffing all these years. Working in a respiratory clinic, the picture that the doctors paint about effects of smoking can be pretty morbid. Looking at how the majority of the lung cancer patients are smokers or ex-smokers, it has started to bother me now, especially with the high (and fast) mortality rate of lung cancer.

The pushing factor to quit smoking has got to be the amount of money I will be able to save when I quit smoking. With a new house on the way and an upcoming wedding not too far away, I can't risk wasting any more precious dollars lighting up a cigarette. It has almost come to a point where I have to choose between my dream wedding and smoking, of which I chose the former of course.

For those who are already snickering behind those screens, continue to do so and watch me quit. You may not have known this but in poly, I did manage to quit smoking for close to 8 months before picking up the habit again just 'cuz I was bored. That was definitely a step I've regretted till today but what's past is past. No doubt I had more support back then with a friend who I regarded as a quit advisor, I will still persevere through this phase again.

Knowing that it'll be hard, I purposely choose to do it right before my leave (which starts this SATURDAY!) so that I can go through that cold turkey stage at home. Kudos to those who could let go of smoking easily. For me, I will get super temperamental and even slightly feverish at certain hours. I do not intend to be misbehaving at work so being on leave next week will really help. Being home will also help me chart down my progress here and update those who are interested to know.

Alright.. I guess I've pretty much covered everything. Actually, there are more upcoming plans over this weekend and next week but I'll just save it for another day! Toodles!

3 more days to our 1st engagement anniversary.

Honestly, I'm clueless as to what's our plan for that day. Since it'll be on a Monday and Sunday's reserved for my bestie's wedding, there's a high likelihood that tomorrow MIGHT be the only day we can celebrate it. I have the strongest feeling that we'll probably just hang out, catch a movie and probably head home after that.

Oh well.. So long as I get to spend quality time with my baby, I'm contented. Love ya loads baby.

Must it recur? Why oh why must I continuously be tortured the same way? I've done everything I can to prevent it recurring yet it keeps coming back.

It's simply frustrating to have to go through this every one in a while. In fact, I think it has pissed me off more to have this condition than anything else.

Please don't mind me venting my frustrations here. I am grateful to be alive and appreciative of the blissful life that I've been blessed with so far, no doubt. I just hate to be taking MCs all the time.

I've waited way too long for this. After I've shed countless tears and sweat all these years, I'm finally able to breathe now. I no longer need to have it become a burden to me anymore. In fact, I'm free now.

Today marks the first day I'm working on my own free will and no longer tied to a contract! FINALLY! 3 LONG YEARS HAVE PASSED! Although I'm not exactly proud of what I'm doing now and the pay that I'm bringing home, I'm now free to choose whatever path my heart desire. It's almost surreal and such a major relief to my soul that I'm no longer bounded by a bond that I foolishly signed 6 years ago when I was 16. Although I'm still under their roof, no matter how sick this sounds, I'm just glad it's over!

Now.. I'm 8 days shy of my first engagement anniversary with my beloved fiance, Mahathir. Truthfully, I'm not sure what our plans will be for that day.. 'though I'm confident he'll come up with somewhere nice and cosy. =) Thinking back, it didn't feel like too long ago that I just know this charming gentleman and here we are now, engaged for close to a year. Even with all the challenges and nonsense that we have to put up with, we still managed to keep our heads up high in those murky waters. I'm so fortunate to have been blessed to have him to accompany me through my path in life. I'm thankful for everything that I've been gifted with and hope that our future will be blessed with more happiness.. InsyaAllah.

I doubt I'll be blogging much anymore but do add me at Facebook to get more updates and have a chat with me.. I'll just keep the blog here for more detailed updates. =)

Have a good Saturday evenin' ya'll!

I know I have not updated for quite some time and I did get a couple msgs asking if I was alright and all. Alhamdullilah, I'm feeling way better now and I'm so thankful for all the well wishes and prayers for me. It has been a hell of a ride for me and I'm glad that the worst is over. All I'm hoping for is to be completely pain-free before I resume work next Monday.

Honestly, this long break that I'm having gave me ample of time to re-evaluate my life. No doubt I'm loving the new environment at the clinic, I do feel something missing. Truth be told, I have loads of other plans for myself that are not nursing-related. If only I wasn't so timid, I would love to be free from nursing and do what my heart desire. Don't get me wrong here. I love nursing but there's a lot of other things that I wanna do before settling on nursing as a life-long career. We'll just see what life has in store for me.

This break has also given me some extra time to learn the joys of Facebook. Haha! I know I'm a lil' slow on that despite having the account for ages. All of a sudden, I'm reconnected with so many old friends who I've not heard from for years. The quizzes there can get a lil' irritating but it kills my time at least.

I suppose that's all for now. Thank u once again for all ur kind words that has motivated me to stay strong and heal as fast as I did. Love ya'll! Muah!

Having a relapse now. Not to gross anyone out but I'm practically bleeding fresh blood and I'm freggging worried. The NC from W78 said that it's not unusual but to head to the Emergency Dept if it persists. I'm so scared to go to the toilet now for fear of what I may find.

Am trying to put up a brave front for my family and I don't want to cause an alarm for them. Please let it be just a minor passing thing.. For now, I can't sit well again and every movement seems to hurt.

Honestly, I'm worried to death now.

Guess I'm not good with handling too much pressure, huh?

Nonetheless, I would like to thank everyone for their well wishes and prayers for a rapid recovery for me. To clear the air, I was hospitalised 'cuz I had a haemorrhoid and it requires to be surgically removed. Normally, such incisions can be made just with local anaesthesia but I went through a lot that day and was not mentally and emotionally prepared for such procedure. To put it shortly, that darling doctor admitted me and decided to operate me under general anaesthesia so as to allay the anxiety in me. Honestly, I was hysterical for most of that afternoon that by the time they wanted to do the surgery late evening, I was simply too tired and simply complied.

Anyways, now I'm on a long hospitalisation leave and will only be coming back to work on the 25th. Initially, I was surprised with the long duration of medical leave that I was getting but after my first day at home, I understood why. Up till today, I'm still bleeding and after some research, I found that it might take a lil' more time for it to completely heal. Loads of medication to be taken indeed! Urgh!

I have lots on my mind now and my heart seems heavy lately. Sometimes, having too much time on your hand can be pretty hazardous when you don't manage it well. Let's hope I will find the right words to put it down here tastefully. Just in case you're thinking I'm having issues with any aspect of my life, I'm actually pretty much contented with what I have. I couldn't ask for a better set of parents or a more fabulous fiance like my Mahathir. If not for him, I don't know how I'll get through this period of my life. His soothing words never fails to calm me down, no matter how hysteric I can be.. I love you baby.

Have a good day ya'll!

no need to be alarmed e'ryone.

No.. I'm not down with swine flu. Or any kind of flu for that matter.

It's something I've been bearing with for the past couple of days and I'm getting admitted now for surgery to remove this troublesome pain that I'm having.

Now I'm still lying down on a flat bed in one of the consultation room, while waiting for my bed.

Please pray for me.

Remember how I said I'll be having a busy weekend ahead in my last post? Little did I know that I'll be busy till the end of this week! I will try to summarise as much as I can since I'm typing this out on my phone.

25/04/09 Saturday
Ryan, the eldest son of my good friend Elly, celebrated his 2nd bday at Yishun Park. I spent most of the morning searching for a gift for him and his sister and although I was ready to leave for the party at 5pm, Mahathir was held up with work and I ended up having a long nap up till 8pm before I was able to proceed to the party. I must specifically thank Nanachica for waiting for me even though it was a lil' late for Ikhwan to be out. I'll try to come earlier next time and I promise we'll talk more kz next time! To Elly, congratz on ur boy's bday and thank u for ur hospitality. I could tell u were shagged already but u were still being a good host n entertain us latecomers. Muacks!

Since the party ended at around 10plus, Mahathir & I decided it was still early to go home so we decided to hang out with some of his close buddies. (Bad move. I'll explain why.) We ended up hanging out at Labrador Park where we could see the view of the sea. Major disappointment was that there was hardly a breeze and before long, we were all a lil' bothered with the humidity.

Close to midnight, Mahathir received a call but what was odd was he distanced himself from me upon taking the call. Not wanting to create a fuss, I decided to wait until he ended the call to ask him about it. Before I even got the chance to ask, he came up to me and told me that my younger brother, Ridzwan, was involved in a head-on collision with a lorry. Naturally, of course I screamed! I figured he must have found my expression really funny and started laughing so I thought it was just a joke! After he got over the shock of my bewildered face, he calmly explained to me the situation and that my brother is in stable condition and otw to TTSH in an ambulance. Not wasting even a single second, I called up my brother and got the confirmation that he indeed was involved in an accident and that he was still in shock, not knowing if he sustained any injuries. Within minutes, I was receiving calls from my other family members informing me of the situation and to know if I'll be joining them at TTSH.

Despite my strong inclination to leave and see my brother, I could see that my Mahathir had loads of things to catch up with his friends. Even if we went to the hospital, we will be denied access since only one family member can accompany the patient. Since I know I'll just be a nervous wreck if he sent me home, we hang out with his friends first to distract my mind. We went riding from Labrador to Changi beach and certain things did happen on the ride there but I'll save it for another day.

To cut a long story short, everyone was home by about 4am, including my bro. Despite the severity of the accident itself, my brother escaped with just bruises and abrasions with a stiff neck. Honestly, as what my father told me, even the doctors were still astounded as to how my brother with just those minimal injuries. All I know, I'm glad I still have my brother. Alhamdullilah.

Sunday 26/04/09
My bestie, Sazaliah, celebrated her 22nd bday. Since she celebrated it in a club, I had to give this year's celebration a miss. Sorry friend!

My family spent Sunday together as a family, having dinner at Banquet Cwp and watching dvds once we got home. Perfect weekend if you ask me. I believed everyone's spirit was a lil' different 'cuz we were simply so close to not being able to spend it as a family. I know everyone was feeling glad to be able to spend that time together.

WORK
I shall not go specific on the dates. I believe I'm speaking for most when I say it's every healthcare worker or service provider worst nightmare to have an outbreak in any part of the world. Monday was filled with endless updates and changes regarding what are the protocols to adhere to at that point due to that swine flu. The chaos simply continued to escalate up till today where all of us had to use N95 masks since we are handling patients at closer range. While I'm still reeling about how I almost lost my brother, I now have to deal with this new implementation, which coincides with the trial run of the new bed management system at work.

However, I must add that I do feel sorry for all those who have been affected by this tragedy, especially those who perished in the earthquake at Mexico. It's pretty scary how all these events are happening around the world and how easily it can find its way to Singapore. It's a lot of work for now but I hope our efforts can keep this virus at bay.

That's about all for now. My fingers are screaming for a rest already! Let's all work hard to keep this virus away! Practise good hand hygiene e'ryone!

He's gonna blow up if he knows I've been shopping online. Especially the 70bucks I just forked out on my most recent purchase! I need loads of financial counselling, lemme tell u that! I need to control this habit before Mahathir starts controlling my money!

Weekends are here! Yippee! Too bad I can't spend it at home with so many plans lined up for this weekend. In fact, I have so many appts that I have to decline a few offers to meet up with me 'cuz I'm so afraid of makings promises that I'm bound to break. Birthday party x 2, family outing, relatives' wedding and outing with fiance's family.. I sure believe I have my hands full right now! Million apologies to all the friends who asked me out this weekend.. I hope you can see how tight the schedule is and how I'll be running aound the city this weekend. Ya'll should know how I love my bed more than anything! Heheh..

Well, I believe I should be sleeping now! Got loads so many things lined up for tmrw, I need to conserve my energy now.. Will blog soon on Sunday night! Toodles!

How odd it seems to be blogging on a computer (my sister's comp to be exact) instead of my own laptop or my phone. Well, I like using her pc since it's the only one connected to the printer and I prefer printing wedding package listing or services and file it to my wedding planning file for future reference.

It's nearing our 1 year engagement anniversary and I still have yet to finalise any concrete plans as to how my wedding will be like. Being fickle, I tend to change my mind every few days and it's frustrating even for myself 'cuz my budget plan keeps changing. Laidback Mom thinks I should concentrate on earning as much as I can first but knowing that the date chosen is during peak period (*hint hint*), I'm just worried that all my planning will be wasted when the service provider that I want is unavailable.

So far, I have 2 bridals, 3 photographers, 3 entertainment providers, 2 decors in mind and no definite plan for favors yet. Somehow, I don't think it's too early to start planning 'cuz I can get really annoyed and bummed out when things don't go smoothly at the end of the day. Recollecting what happened on my engagement day, I don't wish to go through that stressful stage again and feel so burnt out on the day itself.

Once I have at least confirmed a few bookings for the wedding, I intend to focus the 2nd half of this year on preparing myself for the marriage. There's still many things I've yet to learn and I definitely need to improve myself to be a better person so that I can be a good wife to my dearest fiance and to be a good daughter-in-law in time to come. Although I'm not one to regret anything about my past, there were certainly a few things I wished I had heeded advices from others and not have done. I want and will work hard in brushing up myself and portray a better image to uphold my family's good name and also my future family.

At the moment, my first step in achieving that goal is to stop smoking. Yes, I'm still smoking but I've cut down by 1/4 now. For the past few months, I've been smoking so heavily up to a pack per day that it wasn't helping my finances at all. Putting myself at risk doesn't help either if I want to start a family in years to come. For the past two weeks, I've been smoking less than 10 sticks per day, sometimes even just 5 throughout the whole day. It might not seem much to others but trust me, it was practically killing me when I initiated this weaning process. Knowing myself, I know it will take a few more weeks before I can really stop smoking. Once I've fixed this awful habit of mine, only then will I have a clear head on my shoulder to make plans for my future.

This might seem like endless blabbering from me or plain old resolutions that people usually make that they will normally not achieve. Why I chose to write this down here is because I hope all those that do read this awfully long entry could possibly help to remind me of what I really want to achieve if I ever strayed. I'm only human and as human, we sometimes do forget. I have been pretty stubborn all these years and sometimes, too ignorant to heed good advices given by those who cares for me. Right now, my heart has been opened and I really want to change for the better.

With that, I hope I have your support in this new transformation that I hope to see in myself. =)

 

 

 

To Kak Nadia, if you're reading this, it was you who initiated this change in me. I know that you must be thinking that I've not been paying attention to all the good advices you give but trust me, I remember every single one of them but was simply too ashamed to admit my own flaws. When I saw you last weekend with your family, my heart simply opened 'cuz you're the model daughter, wife and mother that I aspire to be. Not only are you successful in your career, you're also equipped with so much knowledge 'to bekal pada masa akhirat kian'. It is my goal now to be a better person, all thanks to you. Thank you for being my inspiration and your faith in me all these years. I love you, from the bottom of my heart. =)

With Love, Eli Ramoena

I despise liars.
I despise backstabbers.
I despise fake faces/ smiles.
I despise ignorance.
I despise people who have no respect for others.
I despise people who don't respect themselves.
I despise people who have no integrity.
I despise people who are blinded by material things.

Don't get me wrong. Love still conquers all of my heart and more often than not, I can still learn to like or try to tolerate 'things' that I despise. Thankfully, my heart can be a lil' forgetful sometimes. Why live life with so much hatred in your heart when there's so many things to be happy and grateful for? Life is just too short to spend being mad all the time.

Having said that, there's just one thing that I totally will never learn to tolerate. My parents mean the world to me and it'll take a lot of effort to forgive those who have hurt them, be it by accident or intentionally. True, they can be a lil' tough sometimes but at the end of the day, their intentions are always pure and sincere. Never have I seen them put themselves first before their kids. To them, they'll rather starve than to see their children having hunger pangs. So strong is their love towards their children. I hope I'm not the only one to see this.

I can't help being emotional tonight. I could still remember the first labor I saw while I was on attachment as a student. To see the look on the mother's face during and after labor, I couldn't help but cry. I stood there crying not only out of joy for that family but also thinking of the ordeal my own mother had to go through to bring me into this world. I can't even think of a word to describe the whole experience. What I know is that my perspective in life changed from that moment on. I no longer see them as just 2 adults trying to restrict my life for fun. They were 2 concerned and loving parents who only wanted the best for me and my siblings.

My parents have indeed gone through a lot in trying to raise me and my siblings. Nothing we do in this life can ever repay all the kindness and effort they spent in bringing us up. That's why no matter how wild a child I was before, my parents are always my no. 1 priority.

Having said all this, could you ever forgive someone for breaking your parents' hearts? Could you forgive someone who lies to your parents on a daily basis? Will there be a place in your heart to forgive someone who makes your mother cry every night? Could you still have respect for the person who can make your sturdy father sigh in disappointment each time anybody mentions that person's name? Will you still be able to love this person?

To that person, I am totally clueless as to whether you read my blog but if you do, I hope you'll understand the message that I'm trying to bring across here. I have no intention to defame you or whatsoever but you've really hurt us all. I don't know how you could even possibly do all this to us and have no remorse about anything at the end of the day. You know how to correct me when I strayed but you don't realise that you're going the opposite direction now. Sometimes I wonder what is it you're living for when you don't even seem to have a concrete plan set for yourself.

It hurts me like crazy but I must stand firm with my parents now. I've supported almost all your decisions in the past but you can't even fulfil my one request for you to make my parents happy. I can never hate you but I'll never forget what you've done.

Don't wait until it's too late. By then, nothing will matter anymore.